European Tour Diary Part 2

DAY 9 - JULY 17TH

WOKE UP FEELING LIKE SHIT, 12 HOUR DRIVE TODAY AND OUR SHITTY TOM- TOM DOESN'T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE!! WE JUMPED IN THE VAN, WIPED OUR BALLS WITH WET WIPES AND SET OFF. AFTER DRIVING THROUGH PRETTY MUCH THE WHOLE OF THE CZECH REPUBLIC IN THE PISSING RAIN WE DECIDED TO STOP IN HOLLABRUNN, A TOWN 54K’S FROM WIEN. AFTER WALKING AROUND LOOKING FOR ANY SIGN OF LIFE WE FOUND A BAR AND ORDERED A ROUND OF OTTAKRINGER (AWESOME AUSTRIAN BEER), AFTER SINKING OUR DRINKS WE ASKED THE WAITRESS FOR THE BILL, AS SHE TURNED HER BACK PETE STARED AT US ALL AND ROLLED HIS EYES TOWARDS THE EXIT. BY THE TIME FANNY COULD SHOUT “FUCKING LEG IT” WE WERE OUT THE DOOR AND SPRINTING FOR THE VAN.

WHEN WE ARRIVED AT THE VAN THE SKETCH KICKED IN! AFTER SPENDING A GOOD FIVE MINUTES ATTEMPTING TO REASSURE OURSELVES THAT NOTHING WOULD COME OF IT, WE DECIDED TO DRIVE OUT OF HOLLABRUNN AND FIND SOMEWHERE TO SET UP CAMP – PRETTY PUNK EH? - STEALING FIVE BEERS THEN DRIVING 20 KILOMETERS OUT OF TOWN!

WE RANDOMLY PARKED THE VAN ON SOMEONE'S FARM AND GOT INTO BED, BY THIS POINT THE WEATHER HAD CHANGED FROM TORRENTIAL RAIN TO THE KIND OF HEAT THAT MAKES YOUR BALLS WISH THEY WERE POSITIONED ON YOUR FOREHEAD! IT WAS BOILING, WE COULDN'T OPEN THE WINDOWS BECAUSE OF THE MOSQUITOES AND HARRISON'S FEET WERE OVER-POWERING THE STENCH OF HORSE SHIT COMING FROM THE FARM. NEEDLESS TO SAY WE GOT FUCK ALL SLEEP!

DAY 10 - JULY 18TH

TODAY WE GOT WOKEN UP BY THE AUSTRIAN LADY WHO OWNED THE FARM WE WERE SLEEPING ON, SHE STORMED UP TO THE VAN SHOUTING AT US AND SHAKING A HOSE, SHE WAS PISSED BECAUSE WE PARKED RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER BARN AND SHE COULDN'T EAT JELLY WHILST RIDING A BIKE......OK, MY GERMAN ISN'T TOO GOOD SO THAT MAY NOT BE COMPLETELY ACCURATE.

I THINK WE'D PARKED WHERE HER CUSTOMERS PARK OR SOMETHING, IT WAS LIKE 8.30 SO WE GOT THE FUCK OUT OF THERE AND DROVE TO WIENER- NEUSTADT, HOME OF RENTOKILL, ASTPAI, SOEY AND PLENTY OF OTHER AWESOME BANDS.

THE SHOW WAS ORIGINALLY SUPPOSED TO BE VEGANMANIA, AN OUTDOOR SHOW WITH RENTOKILL AND ASTPAI BUT AS IT WAS PISSING IT DOWN THE SHOW HAD TO BE MOVED. ZOCK FROM ASTPAI SAVED OUR ASSES AND PUT ON A SHOW IN THEIR REHEARSAL ROOM. IT WAS CRAZY, THERE WERE HUMAN PYRAMIDS, CROWD SURFING AND PEOPLE BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS ALL IN A TINY PRACTICE ROOM. WE'D NEVER DONE A PRACTICE ROOM SHOW BEFORE SO WE HAD HELL OF A TIME!

AFTER THE SHOW EVERYONE PILED INTO OUR VAN AND WE HEADED INTO TOWN TO BEGIN A NIGHT OF INEVITABLE LIVER DAMAGE, WE PROCEEDED TO DRINK AND ROCK BALLS TO THE PUNK JUKEBOX IN A CLUB WHICH WE WENT TO LAST TIME WE WERE IN WIENER NEUSTADT – IT WAS AN AWESOME NIGHT.

PISSED OUT OF OUR FACE , WE STUMBLED OUT OF THE CLUB AT 6AM AND BEGAN TRYING TO FIND BERTLE'S HOUSE. BY THIS POINT PHIL HAD LONG LEFT THE CLUB, DRIVEN OUR VAN BACK TO BERTL'S PLACE (SOBER), BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE AND TOLD HE NEEDED TO PAY THE POLICE OFFICER 20 EUROS FOR THEM TO DRIVE OFF – GOOD OLD HONEST POLICE WORK! PHIL DIDN'T PAY THEM 20 EUROS, INSTEAD HE SHOWED THE POLICEMAN HIS ENGLISH PASSPORT AND PLAYED THE LANGUAGE BARRIER CARD, GOOD LAD!

ON OUR JOURNEY BACK TO BERTL'S WE WERE APPROACHED BY SOME LOCALS WHO THROUGH A HANDFUL OF EUROS AT US AND TOLD US TO FUCK OFF BACK TO ENGLAND, THIS WAS THE LAST THING WE NEEDED AT 6 IN THE MORNING – THE SUN WAS UP, THE BIRDS WERE SINGING, WE WERE ALREADY HUNGOVER WITH NO IDEA WHERE THE FUCK BERT'S HOUSE WAS AND WE HAD FOUR ….FOLLOWING US, SHOUTING ANYTHING IN ENGLISH THEY COULD.

AFTER MANY FICH DICH'S WERE EXCHANGED WE STABBED ALL OF THEM IN THE FACE AND LAUGHED ABOUT IT ON THE WAY HOME!

OK WE DIDN'T REALLY DO THAT, CLASICALLY WE WALKED AWAY IN THE WRONG DIRECTION AND BY 7AM WE REALISED WE WERE COMPLETELY LOST. WE FOUND THE POLICE STATION AND ASKED THEM FOR A MAP TO BERTLE'S HOUSE. AFTER THEIR INITIAL RESPONSE OF “WHO THE FUCK IS BERTL?” WE TOLD THEM THE STREET NAME AND THEY WERE KIND ENOUGH TO POINT US IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. WE GOT BACK TO THE HOUSE AND GOT INTO BED AROUND 7.30 – WHAT A NIGHT!

DAY 11 - JULY 19TH

FEELING PRETTY GOOD CONSIDERING, JUST WOKE UP – IT'S 3 O'CLOCK AND AS FAR AS I KNOW NOBODY PUKED! TIME TO SHIT/SHOWER/SMOKE/SKETCH/SHIT/SMOKE.......

THE PLAN FOR TODAY WAS TO GO TO LAKE BLED IN SLOVENIA BUT AS WE MANAGED TO SLEEP MOST OF THE DAY BERTLE SUGGESTED WE STAY ANOTHER DAY AND HELP HIM DRINK THE 200 BEERS HE HAD IN HIS FRIDGE. SO WE GOT PISSED, WATCHED ROYAL RUMBLE 2005 THEN WENT FOR A SKATE AROUND WIENER NEUSTADT WHICH WAS AWESOME, FAIR PLAY HARRISON CAN DO SOME CRAZY SHIT ON A BOARD, ME AND PETE JUST LOVE CRUSING.

TODAY WAS A REALLY CHILLED OUT DAY – JUST WHAT WE NEEDED, WE ALL CALLED HOME WHERE APPARENTLY SWINE FLU WAS KICKING ASS AND THE WEATHER WAS SHIT.

DAY 12 - JULY 20TH

AFTER A GOOD NIGHT SLEEP, ALL OF US GRABBED A SHOWER (SEPERATELY), HARRISON WAS SHOWING PETE HOW TO BREAK DANCE ON HIS HEAD, AND AS I WRITE THIS PETE'S IN AGONY - HE CAN'T TURN HIS HEAD RIGHT, HE'S LIKE DEREK ZOOLANDER!

TODAY WE'RE DRIVING TO LAKE BLED IN SLOVENIA FOR A DAY OFF BEFORE THE LJUBLJANA SHOW, SO I GUESS OUR NEXT STOP IS TO THE SUPERMARKET TO STOCK UP ON NOODLES AND SOUP, FUCK EATING ANY MORE BREAD!

AFTER A VERY SCENIC DRIVE THROUGH THE ALPS IN 36 DEGREE HEAT WE ARRIVED AT LAKE BLED AROUND 7. THIS PLACE IS AMAZING! THE SCENERY IS BREATHE TAKING, BUT FUCK ME THE MOSQUITOES ARE ANNOYING. AFTER A DIP IN THE LAKE AND LOOK AROUND WE DECIDED IT WOULD BE A BRILLIANT IDEA TO GET COMPLETELY WASTED, WE EACH BOUGHT THE MOST BRUTAL BOTTLE OF RED WINE, IT COST 2 EUROS FOR TWO LITRES AND TASTES, LOOKS AND SMELLS LIKE PISSY BLOOD. AFTER DRINKING A FUCK LOAD OF WINE, AND GETTING BITTEN TO SHIT BY MOSQUITOES WE DECIDED TO WALK INTO TOWN TO CARRY ON DRINKING.WE BUMPED INTO TWO GIRLS CALLED SARA AND NINA WHO SHOWED US AROUND BLED. WHILE PHIL AND HARRISON HIT THE BARS WITH THE GIRLS, THE REST OF US CARRIED ON DRINKING IN THE STREET AND GOT TALKING TO A REALLY SKETCHY TRAVELLER NAMED ERIC.

AFTER AN HOUR OF TALKING SHIT WE MADE A PACKED THAT WERE GONNA PLAY 18 HOLES OF GOLF IN THE MORNING, AND JOINED THE OTHERS AT THE BAR. THEY WERE ALL FUCKED AFTER DRINKING A COCKTAIL WHICH APPARENTLY WHEN TRANSLATED INTO ENGLISH IS CALLED PISSED OF CHAINSAW, SEROIUSLY THAT DRINK BLEW OUR HEADS OFF!

NEEDLESS TO SAY – WE WERE FUCKED! ON THE WAY HOME FANNY DECIDED TO JUMP IN THE LAKE AGAIN, WE TRIED TO STEAL A BOAT, HUNG OUT WITH A FAMILY OF SWANS, ENDED UP LOST IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIELD AND YET AGAIN LOST ABOUT A PINT OF BLOOD TO THE MOSQUITOES. WE FINALLY MADE IT BACK TO THE VAN AND COOKED SOME FOOD BEFORE PASSING OUT.

DAY 13 - JULY 21ST

WE WOKE UP HUNG OVER AS BALLS AND DECIDED THE BEST CURE WAS TO JUMP IN THE LAKE. AFTER FIGHTING THE URGE TO PUKE IN THE MOST AMAZING, CRYSTAL BLUE WATER EVER WE HAD AN ICE COLD SHOWER (AGAIN,SEPERATELY!) AND CRACKED ON WITH BREAKFAST.

WHILST EATING BREAKFAST, WHO SHOULD SHOW UP BUT THE FAMILY OF SWANS FROM THE NIGHT BEFORE. THEY DROVE US OUT OF OUR SUNBATHING SPOT AND SHAT ON OUR TOWELS!

AFTER A HUGE SWIM, WE SUN BATHED SOME MORE, DRANK BEER, HAD LUNCH , AND DECIDED TO HIRE A ROWING BOAT SO WE COULD SEE THE ISLAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LAKE. WE EVENTUALLY MADE IT TO THE ISLAND AND LOOKED AROUND, WE FOUND A REALLY QUIET AREA WHERE PEOPLE WERE RELAXING IN THE SUN. HARRISON DECIDED TO BREAK THE SILENCE BY RUNNING AS FAT AS HE COULD AND BOMBING INTO THE WATER, SOAKING EVERYONE. WE GOT BACK IN THE BOAT AND MADE OUR WAY TO THE SHORE.

AS WE APPROACHED THE VAN NINA WAS WAITING FOR HER LUNCH DATE WITH PHIL, THEY DISAPPEARED FOR ABOUT AN HOUR SO WE CARRIED ON LAZING AROUND IN THE SUN, DRINKING BEER AND STARING AT THE RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF HOT GIRLS IN AND AROUND THE LAKE.

PHIL RETURNED FROM HIS DATE WITH A CONSIDERABLY LARGE.......................................GRIN! APPARENTLY THEY SWAM OUT TO THE ISLAND (A 1KM SWIM) GOOD LAD PHIL!

WE COULD HAVE EASILY SPENT ANOTHER WEEK IN BLED, IT'S BY FAR ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING PLACES ANY OF US HAVE BEEN. BUT WE HAD TO MAKE OUR WAY TO LJUBLJANA FOR OUR SHOW AT TOVARNA ROG. WE ARRIVED AT THE VENUE AND MET UP WITH OUR FRIENDS FROM INSANE, NEED A NURSE AND THE IGNORED. IT WAS GREAT TO CATCH UP WITH THE GUYS AND DRINK SOME BEERS.

THE VENUE WAS AWESOME, NEED A NURSE AND THE IGNORED WERE REALLY GOOD. TWO SONGS INTO OUR SET THE POLICE ARRIVED, NOT SURE WHY BUT IT DEFINITELY SUCKED ALL THE ENERGY FROM THE CROWD. THE POLICE STAYED FOR A COUPLE SONGS THEN LEFT, WE FINISHED OUR SET AND HAD TO GET BACK IN THE VAN AND MAKE OUR WAY TO PRAGUE.

DAY 14 - JULY 22ND

WE ARRIVED AT A SERVICE STATION IN AUSTRIA AROUND 5AM AND GOT 15 MINUTES SLEEP BEFORE A GERMAN TRUCKER TOLD US TO MOVE OUR VAN, 3 HOURS LATER WE WERE WOKEN UP BY A POLICE OFFICER WHO TOLD US OUR ROAD INSURANCE HAD EXPIRED. WE BOUGHT ANOTHER WEEKS INSURANCE, BAGELS AND COFFEE AND HEADED FOR PRAGUE.

IT TOOK US SO LONG TO GET THERE, WE ARRIVED AT THE VENUE AND MET OUR FRIEND KEJMY 10 MINUTES BEFORE DOORS OPENED. KEJMY'S A LEGEND AND HE PUT ON ANOTHER GREAT SHOW FOR US. WE HAD SOME AMAZING VEGAN FOOD AND DRANK AS MUCH STAROPRAMEN AS WE COULD BEFORE WE PLAYED.

THE SHOW WAS AWESOME, THE MIGHTY SOUNDS FESTIVAL WAS HAPPENING IN PRAGUE SO WE WEREN'T SURE IF WE'D PULL A DECENT CROWD. FORTUNATELY A GOOD 80 PEOPLE CAME TO SEE US AND THE CROWD WERE AWESOME - WE LOVE PLAYING PRAGUE! AFTER THE SHOW WE HUNG AND DRUNK SOME MORE STAROPRAMEN WITH SERRGEI, A GUY WE MET FROM RUSSIA, HE'D BOUGHT ONE OF EVERYTHING WE WERE SELLING ON OUR MERCH STAND – EVEN THE I BREATHE SPEARS EP'S FANNY WAS SELLING ON THE TOUR TO FUEL HIS CRACK ADDICTION!

WE WENT BACK TO KEJMY'S HOUSE AND GOT THE BEST NIGHT SLEEP OF THE TOUR.